Hallucinations of an Impulsive Indian

Think before you speak.. speak before you think ! Just this minute re-arrangement of thewords 'think' and 'speak' can make or break (if not your life).. a lot of things related to it. You can choose to speak and think later, think then speak, speak and not think at all,or think and not speak at all. Each of these permutation-combinations have an outcome of its own, some pleasant and some.. not quite so pleasant! Wives speak and dont think at all,husbands think and not speak at all,subordinates think and speak, bosses speak and think later.. or that is how in all fairness the scheme of things operate, that is how they are meant to be. The not-so-pleasant situations arise when one fine morning a certain rebellious husband takes it upon himself to be the symbol of deliverance of all mankind and ceases to
think, assuming upon himself the role of the speaker. Or a subordinate throws caution to thewinds and tired of his state of helotry speaks all that came into his mind about his boss, and designates 'thinking' as a superfluous activity. Wives, as is their habit, will speak, but when that is combined with thinking, it can be quite an explosive situation. Men do not like thinking wives. Intelligence has a surprising capactiy of making women less attractive. One must follow the answers of the contestants of any beauty pageant to establish the fact that dim-wit and beauty go hand in hand. A 'beauty with brains' never existed or existed just as Centaurs must have existed, and the tag 'dumb blonde' actually means that she is most sought-after. There can be nothing more peaceful in life than a dumb blonde or a dumb-not-so-blonde wife.

Coming back to thinking.. speaking.. speaking.. thinking! One day, a priest was sitting in a pew with a very worried and nervous look, and another priest saw him and wondered what was wrong. The second priest thought he should try to help, so he approached his distraught associate and asked him what was wrong.
“Well,” the first priest said, “have you ever heard of a Freudian slip?”
“No,” said the other.
“Well,” said the first, “it's when one slips and says something one is thinkingusually when it is the least opportune time.”
“Oh,” said the other, “so, what happened?”
“Well, today I performed a wedding and you know the part when you say ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’?” asked the first, and then you further ask "Do you Mr. Whoever take Ms Whoever as your legally wedded wife,to treasure and cherish her until death do you part?"
“Yes?” said the second.
“Well that is what I meant to say, and what I actually said was, ‘I now sentence you to death.'"

Fox News anchor Jane Skinner was reading out the bulletins of the day, "The Deputy Police Cheif says 6 police officers were killed including the district's top cock.. tock cock.. top cop while the vehicle he was riding was sprayed with roses.. was sprayed with bullets. Three other officers were hurt..."

A similar slip occured at the Detroit local news Superbowl coverage. "Really the people of Detroit has shined as much as the shitty has.. the city has. And now its time for crappic update.. traffic update!"

Just as the usually-mindless-once-sensible boyband had sung years back, "Its only words and words are all I have..." our life revolves around words. Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed "Hysteria and Posteriors." The doctors didn't find it fine, so they suggested "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." The town didn't like that either and countered with "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestions began rolling in: "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentive." "Minds and Behinds." "Lost Souls and Assholes." "Analysis and Anal Cysts." "Queers and Rears." "Nuts and Butts." "Freaks and Cheeks." "Loons and Moons." None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally decided on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Thinking gave rise to psychiatry and speaking gave rise to wars. How does it differ anyways.. the net outcome is pandemonium! The hotline at a psychiatric clinic sound answer:
"If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 4.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 1, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear."

Whether Freud slipped his tongue or the tongue slipped in his mouth is food for thought. But a Freudian slip can make or break (if not your life) a lot of things related to it. The next time you decide to speak, either think, or dont think. The next time you decide to think, either speak or dont speak. Life is full of endless opportunities.. when you come to think of it and when you dont think of it.. life is still full of opportunities because you have never thought about it.