El Satisfacer Con Amor

It was getting dark and chilly in the park that November evening. The smog was beginning to descend amongst us. The figures in the distant mist appeared eerie and ghost-like. The mothers were calling out, "It's time to go home,"to the children spilled all over the place while I looked on... blank, ineffectual, numb. After what seemed like my nth cigarrete, I decided it was time for me to leave as well. Perhaps not time to go home because I had no home to go to... but time for me to leave. Whither I was to go from here I knew not. Jeremy and I owned a small two room apartment downtown. But it was no longer mine. He was kind enough to offer me a place in the other bedroom till I found another place to stay. I couldnt accept his kindness because I wasnt used to a ménage à trois. I strolled down the brightly lit avenue. It was crowded with Christmas shoppers, children still in the Halloween hangover, running about in ridiculous jack-o-lantern and ghost costumes. One of them tumbled into me and howled, "Boooooooo."I pretended to be frightened to my bones. The tubby little child laughed gleefully and ran away. He had had his share of amusement. I watched him run away, amazed at the wonderful innocence that followed behind. I must've been wandering lost and aimless for almost an hour now, searching my pocket, I discovered that I had enough to last me a few days. 'Joey's' was just around the corner. Jeremy and I used to haunt this place. It made the best beefsteaks in town. That was a long time ago...in the happy days, when we were newly married and in love with each other. But time is volatile and so is love. Both evaporated and I found myself at life's crossroads trying to reconcile with Jeremy's betrayal and my love for him. Both were equally strong..my love and his betrayal. He was absolutely blatant and unabashed and I was accomodating, willing to reconcile. While i walked round the corner to 'Joey's' someone called out, "Aint that Jeremy's wife? Poor girl !" Indeed! I thought...poor girl is what I am.

'Joey's' was vibrant and alive with its usual diners, gourmets, goons, gossipers and its eclectic interiors. Tears stung my eyes as the janitor wished me a good evening and looked behind me, wondering if I'd forgotten my husband back at home. I gave him an insipid smile and walked in. Sheryl usually waited upon us at this hour of the day. She was an undergraduate and worked at 'Joey's' as a waitress to earn her pocket money. Sheryl reminded me of the little fairies I had seen in my kindergarten books. Standing at five feet with large, blue eyes, she invoked filial feelings in me. As she came and handed over the menu card to me, she flashed me a brisk, "How do you do?'" "How do you do Sheryl? How was your day?" More smiles..."I had a nice day. What would you like to eat? Er...." she looked about her inquisitively. I sensed what was coming. Before she could utter the question, I replied, "Mr. Cartright is on a boy's night out and I decided to get my dinner here instead of cooking at home." She had a smile of satisfaction and rejoined," It's your usual beefsteak then?" "Right. Thanks!" As I watched her walk away into the kitchen, I engaged myself in observing the people around me. It was one of my favourite pastimes. A young woman was sitting at the farthest end with a little girl and instructing her to hold the fork right, to adjust her napkin and to eat like a good girl. A group of men sitting at the next table were perhaps talking business. They had cruel ,impassive faces. I did not like the look of them and searched my bag for a cigarette. My fingers knocked upon a sheet of sedatives which I had bought a couple of months ago. I had slipped in the bathroom and cracked my knee joint. The excruciating pain kept me awake all night. The doctor had prescribed these in order to lull me to sleep. My knee joint heeled and with the pain gone, I never had any need of these pills. Perhaps because I would need them now..yes I would certainly need them tonight, for the final time, I would need all of them to sleep....forever! Beads of sweat broke upon my forehead as I looked up from my bag at the world around me. It looked the same, except that the table next to me was now taken by an elderly couple. Perhaps senile would be more apt an adjective. Both of them were dressed in black trousers and blue pullovers. Their hair was short cropped and of a beautiful silver. I would have almost mistaken them to be twins had I not overheard their conversation. "Thats a beautiful rose," she said, "but you shouldn't have bought that ring Mike. It's... it must be expensive." I observed them as he took her leathery, wrinkled hands into his and slipped the ring onto her fingers. "Don't you realise,"he said,"you're still my twenty year old bride..the only beauty I've ever had!" They kept holding their hands as long as they sat there and looked so absorbed in each other that I eyed them with an evil jealousy. I could hear their cracked voices chatter incessantly and an equally cracked laughter. I had certainly been mistaken. they were not an elderly couple, they were lovers...teenaged lovers. I washed down the beeksteak with a jug of beer and rushed out of 'Joey's'. I checked into a cheap hotel for the night and came out to saunter around the streets. The 'teenaged' lovers were now returning home and taken aback at the utter mess that I was in, they exclaimed,"You feeling alright? Can we help you?" "Er...no, "I smiled,"havent seen you around here very often." "That's surprising,"they replied, "we've been living here for almost half a century now...in the small house that we built in this corner of the town decades ago!" I forced out another smile. "How long have you been married?" "Longer than we've been single,"the old man replied wittily,"we've been married for most of our lives." I could not stop myself from uttering this very horrible question, "And you never got tired of each other?" They looked at each other, then at me and then exploded into a genial laughter. "We still havent had enough of each other,"she replied coyly. I could see colour rising on her cheekbones. She was blushing!

They walked away into the mist of that November night. I retired to my hotel room and ordered the worst brand of whisky available. I pulled out the sheet of sedatives from my bag and dropped all the pills into the drink watching the frisk effervescence as they dissolved in the benign whisky. An army of memories raided my mind...Jeremy, my Dad and Sunshine, my beloved golden retriever. I would certainly miss all of them. My mind then drifted to 'Joey's', the senile couple, their laughter, the man holding her hands, the lady blushing and amidst this babel, Marvin's face flashed in my conscience. Marvin, my best friend at college, the only friend I ever had.... my head felt dizzy. I looked at the glass of whisky that I was holding and climbed out of bed. The bathroom must have a basin, I thought. It did. I queitly trickled down the drink through the pipe and washed my face. Marvin sleeps late, I thought, he must be awake at this time. I lifted the receiver off its hook and dialled him. "Avril, its you!"his voice ringed amicably at the other end and then it was silent for a while. I knew that he was puzzled. "Perhaps we can finally have a dinner date Marvin, "I said, "I have met Love tonight!"