Killed With a Kiss...

Indian summers have an exquisite capacity to make one realise the horrors of a trip to Mercury. While the terrestrial mercury expands, shooting upto almost 40 degree centrigrade, it prepares you for something akin to Satan's stupor on the sulphurous lake of Hell. It was summertime and I was living in Kolkata, a living, throbbing, pro-active, reactive Indian city... not to mention the humidity and bad summers:-( Mr.Satan and I could have almost established a camaraderie-fellow sufferers of unmentionable heat, the only thing which I presume came in the way, was
our progeny. He was an angel, although apostate and I, a human. "It's a hard life," I grumbled,"to be a reporter." My editor was not happy with the story on child marriage in Birbhum and I was to visit the particular village again. The resturaunt I was sitting in was my favourite haunt, more for the ambience than for food. It was dimly lit and tastefully
decorated with indoor plants and bonsais, a must-have for me when I am thinking in terms of lively ambience. However sandwiches had never been their speciality and today it was sadder than ever. The coffee had kind of transformed itself into a watery hogwash, the airconditioning doing worse things to it.I lingered there as long as I could because an air conditioner is the greatest luxury that one could desire when the heavens outdoors was pouring fire. Lighting the last cigarette in my packet, I lazily gazed out of the window.A lame beggar was resting against a lamp post at the farthest corner of the pavement, a mongrel was panting nearby, a buxom lady was saying something very agitatedly to a man walking beside her. Maybe the doomed creature was her husband, maybe they were arguing...scenes of poverty, sloth, discord.....

"Can I sit here for a while if you don't mind?" A baritone voice intruded into my reverie.Company was not exactly the next best thing to solitude at that point of time. Yet to avoid the blame of rudeness, I replied, "Uh sure...why not?" He was wearing a black suit and could not have been forty years old. He looked tired yet friendly and cheerful. "I'm sorry,"I
said brusquely pointing to the cigarette I was smoking, "this was the last one," and continued to gaze out of the window. "Oh never mind ! I don't smoke." A waiter brought me the bill and the stranger startled me saying, "Mind sitting with me for a while?" Surprise is a small word to
capacitate the utter amazement that I was thrown into. I answered him with a questioning frown. "I mean...don't get me wrong," he stammered, "I don't look like a rogue, do I and possibly couldn't harm you..." I sat down,slightly irritated, pretending to be in a hurry, to an extent I was in a hurry. Office was not exactly my priorty then but I was not in bouyant spirits, not adequately chirpy to provide company to a stranger. "Madam,"he looked at me entreatingly,"believe me... I'm just looking for someone to talk to. I agree all this is rather strange. But who does a human being turn to if and when he wants someone to talk to,someone to listen to him? I assure you, I am not disgusting... not repulsive... not harmful, not any of the things that might make you want to run away from here. You might not regret this altogether
:-) " There was a pleasant, boyish smile emerging from the corner of his lips. It was pleasant...
rather pleasant. His oratory was mindblowing. Perhaps I seriously would not regret it after all! Seemed quite like it. "Fine, let's talk...myself Ria, Reporter, 'The Daily Express',"I spurted out a forensic introduction and held forward my hand. He took it into his vigorously, saying, "Barry
Matthews,Oncologist." After this very brief introduction we were once again at a loss of words to say to each other. "Alright,"I said at length, finding my voice, "let's begin with very commonplace things, very humdrum kind of things..like let's say, where you've been to before you walked in here, where do you intend to go from here and why choose me as your companion?" "Jesus Christ! That was a battery! Easy lady...breathe in between your questions!"he laughed, "but I'll surely answer all those questions with the same gusto. I'd been to a burial service prior to coming here. Tired and hungry, I walked in here for a bite and I intend to get back to the hospital once I leave this place. As for choosing you for company... look around lady, this is the only table which had atleast a chair empty. I had no choice, you see!" We smiled at this and once again silence descended upon us. The mention of death and a burial did
not particularly animate my spirits. Unable to utter any note of condolence, I, for no particular reason, sincerely wished it was not any of his dear ones.

He was noisily sipping his coffee and I was frantically ransacking my purse for a cigarette. Nicotine always managed to make me feel less clumsy and less awkward in genuinely awkward situations; this being one of them. Just when I thought that I had succeeded in minimizing the
absurdity of the situation, "Can I ask you opinion about something?"he said and made my heart pop out of my mouth. It took me sometime to put it back to its proper place and having done that, replied, "Yup sure...what is it?" "Tell me," he said, "What is your opinion about euthanasia?" "Mercy killing?" I queried back. "That's right. Many governments the world over have legalised it. What do you think about a similar arangement in India?" Mercy killing sounded like an oxymoron to me, the jamming together of two contrasting shades of life. "Criminal!" I exclaimed absent-mindedly. "Who? Me?"he asked,quite taken aback. "No...I
mean I think it's a criminal act,"I replied embarrased at the exaggerated reaction. He suddenly drilled his mellow hazel brown eyes deep into mine to ask,"Have you ever had to watch someone you love, die a molecule everyday, writhe in agony? Have you ever the agonised screams of someone for whom you'd have done anything... just about anything to provide him some relief?" Theatrical undoubtedly, but his words had a strange effect on me. I blinked stupidly at him, trying to frame some clever answer. He picked up a sugar cube from the bowl,tossed in air and caught it again. Something clicked in my cerebellum, some answer to retaliate his eloquence, some smart thing which would justify by opposition to Euthanasia."You Christian?"I asked him almost abruptly,even before he had the time to blink,not even caring much for proper formatting of my question. "Yup!"came the equally brief reply."And have you at all cared to read the Bible...the chapter on Ten Commandments...Moses...Mount Sinai...the stone tablet?" I was cut short by his sudden paroxysm of laughter. "What could be possibly funny?"I retaliated dumbfounded."Gosh! you're theatrical,lady.Pardon me my impudence...I just couldn't control
my laughter.Yes I was badly bullied in my cathecism classes when I was a kid to memorise the Ten Commandments.But what about that?" " 'Thou shalt not kill'...that's all I was trying to tell you.The Lord commands never to kill.Mercy killing makes no sense.The right to make or break life should only rest with the Maker.We should not tamper with the natural course of one's life. If we do...that's considered criminal...murder to be more precise.Believe me, Dr.Matthews,God knows best,better than any human being!" I flashed a triumphant smile at him, confident that I had finally beaten him in the argument.

There was an almost unexpected pause in the conversation.I was certain that he was groping for an answer.However the pause prolonged into an uncomfortable silence.He was still at his game of tossing the sugar cube and catching it and what appeared as his apparent defeat,took me by
surprise when he finally found his voice. "Let's exchange positions Madam...I take yours...the journalist.You try imagining yourself as an Oncologist who has been working for the past fifteen years trying to treat cancer patients-I specialise in leukaemia,so that's what you got to pretend to be. Now imagine giving transfusions while you patients lie on their beds gasping for breath.Listen to them screaming in pain and yes...also watch the tears that their relatives shed,in solitary corners.I have seen it all for the past fifteen years.You just have to imagine it all...get back to me precisely after five minutes with your experiences and then tell me about your opinion on leukaemia." He excused himself for a while and walked away from the table.I watched him pick up some small talk with a waiter while I stared out of the window.I understood what he was trying to drive home and in that context I had nothing much to say to support my viewpoint.I was lost in my thoughts,also scanning the menu card for a mousse,when he suddenly broke into my solitude."Sorry,I know I returned earlier than the alloted five minutes.I forgot to tell you something more....my recent patient...you have to imagine this situation as well." 'Yes, I had certainly invited trouble for myself by opposing him,' I thought, 'now he's not going to spare me all those gruesome details!' He did not and I could see that he
was in the mood to draw blood now. "For the past four years,I had been treating a child.He was six when this monster was detected in his blood.He was a beautiful child,so agile and bouyant...so fond of flowers,birds...the autumn breeze,the first splash of rain..of all the sights and smells and sensations that life could offer him.Now imagine this child as well...day by day getting weaker...weaker, paralytic...unable to romp around,unable to tire his mother with his
endless stories.Watch him every single moment...notice how his tender body shrivels up,how his liver stops functioning and hear his screams.I did that...for the past four years...till...till he died this morning."I looked up,almost with a jerk,from the table into his brown eyes and
jumped up from my seat like a singed cat. There were no tears in his eyes.All was hid under the veneer of smiles and amity."I...I...I am..." "You don't have to be sorry Ria.It's the profession...I have to do this to support my family. Only that I always wished I wouldn't have to go
through so much pain to earn money..."

Silence.......After what seemed like eternity,I heard his voice again and this time it took me more time than usual to understand the English language. "Hey no!Look at you!Darn me...I never really wanted to upset you with all that morbid stuff.I'm anything but a sadist...grief repels me!" A blank stare from me was all that he received in reply. "Alright...alright,"he winked cordially,"let's make things better!Tell me about yourself...family,hobbies,interests...just about anything..." I had never been very comfortable sharing myself with strangers and egocentricity had never been my disease.In most cases,questions from strangers about my private self received a tacit reply.This time it was an exception.The very pleasantly amiable Barry Matthews made me feel so exceptionally comfortable that I almost became a megalomaniac for the next fifteen minutes.He was engrossed in what I was saying...a very good listener he was.He politely waited till I finished,gave me an awkward,wry smile to ask a wrier question."Tell me Ria,"he began,"what if you actually met someone who committed Euthanasia?" "Difficult question,"I sighed,"You see this isn't legal in India...so no matter how correct it is ethically or even medically,it isn't so legally.I still guess he should be punished under the Indian Penal Code." He smiled amicably at my answer,that was his habit.He had an excess of smiles for he flashed one every now and then.It looked good on him:-) "Care for another coffee?"he asked.I agreed.The conversation was getting more and more interesting and at this point I was reluctant to leave.Looking out of the window,I realised that the fiery May afternoon had mellowed to a saffron evening.The waiters were passing our table with clenched fists,sign that
we had overstayed and soon their bounds of civility and hospitality might break.Sensingdanger,I entreated him that we had better get going."Definitely,"he rejoined good-naturedly.

As we were packing to leave I remembered to ask him,"What about your family,doc?"He answered me with a photograph of himself with a lady,presumably his wife and a little boy not more than seven years old,which he fished out of his wallet.Handing him my address,I said,"Do
bring them over to lunch someday.My parents will be happy to entertain you." "I'll certainly bring her along." "Hey!Not her alone...I said 'them'.Don't leave the poor kid alone at home.I'd love to meet him." "That's my son,"he smiled,"but I'm afraid he can't come.He died this
morning... of leukaemia..." He opened the door of the resturaunt,"....and I killed him!"he said and walked away into the gold of that May sunset.